Rage
by Anne Bensler
Summary: Three-shot, based on the season 6 episode Rage, but with an alternative ending. Elliot has been separated for a while and reaches his boiling point. Please heed the rating for angst, explicit content and a hint of violence. Prior knowledge of their abusive parents is assumed.
1. Chapter 1

**"Rage"**

 **I needed to write something different while trying to finish two other stories, so this is what I came up with.**

 **Two-shot, based on the season 6 episode Rage, but with an alternative ending. Underlined print are quotes from the show, which I don't own.  
Elliot has been separated for a while and reaches his boiling point. If you can, watch the episode before reading. Awesome Stabler closeups. Only the last scene is different from the original: I changed the location as well as the outcome of the conversation. ****Please heed the rating for angst, explicit content and a hint of violence. Prior knowledge of their abusive parents is assumed.**

...

The guy had gotten to him. More than any suspect before. Olivia knew it. Elliot had tried to get under the man's skin for hours and hours, but in the end, Gordon Rickett had gotten under his. She knew her partner and she'd seen him almost lose control several times. Elliot had arrested Rickett once before, in 1991, but the DA couldn't convince the jury to convict the man on circumstantial evidence alone. He'd raped and killed more underage girls in different states since then and it was eating away at Elliot.

She'd gone home to get some sleep after Elliot had dismissed her, wanting to continue the interrogation with Fin, not her. She knew he'd keep the end goal in mind and wouldn't ruin the interrogation. His need to get the man to confess was greater than his need to smash his face in. He was walking a thin line though, and she knew he knew it. She wasn't sure why or why now, but they could both feel it.

When the 24 hour hold was up and they had to let Rickett go, he'd rattled him even more. Olivia had caught the last part of the interrogation when she returned to the station. Rickett and Elliot had been talking about rage and Elliot had told Rickett he was very good at hiding it, but he knew it was there.

"Gordon, you're kidding yourself if you think you're controlling it. It's controlling you."

"What do you know about controlling anything?" Rickett had asked him.

"I don't murder people."

"Give it time. You say you see something in me? Well, I see something in you, too. You think you control. You can't. You're controlled. By your boss, by your job, by your wife, your kids. What would you be if all those controls went away?"

"I'd be you."

Elliot had sat there, motionless, for several minutes after Rickett had been sent on his way by Cragen. His eyes had been bloodshot when he finally emerged from the interrogation room. Olivia had tried to get a read on him, but he'd shrugged her off. His defensive walls were up completely and she knew he needed them right now to be able to keep functioning. But he'd need an outlet soon, or he'd explode at the wrong place or the wrong time.

And so she'd kept an eye on him while they continued their investigation. Elliot had gone home to shower and change and when he came back, he seemed like his old self again, extremely motivated to keep going at it to nail Rickett. They made headway fast, using the lies Rickett had told during the interrogation against him. They found his safe house and there, they actually caught him in the act of kidnapping yet another young girl. Rickett grabbed the girl and used her as a shield when both detectives drew their weapons.

Rickett started taunting Elliot, daring him to pull the trigger and kill him while threatening to snap the girl's neck. He pulled the girl aside a bit, giving Elliot a clear shot. Olivia knew what he was doing and she knew Elliot would never forgive himself later on, if he let his rage get the better of him now. Just when she thought he was going to shoot Rickett, she fired her weapon first, hitting the man in the shoulder. Rickett went down screaming and Olivia quickly tended to the frightened young girl, who was shaken up but physically unharmed. Elliot still had his gun trained on Rickett though and approached him slowly. Olivia could see his hand shaking and wanted to stop him. She called out to him but knew she should let him make the right decision on his own. He was on the verge of an outburst of rage, but she knew he was strong. He could reign himself in and do the right thing. Finding an outlet for his rage could come later. _Needed_ to come later. Because she knew he couldn't go on like this, unless something changed, drastically. He'd been bottling up too much for too long.

She breathed a sigh of relief when Elliot put away his gun and started reading Rickett his rights. They were bringing him in and would write their statements, doing it all by the book. Olivia stayed with the girl while she was checked out at the hospital but hurried back as soon as possible to see Elliot. Munch told her he'd been very restless. He'd hung around the station for a while, probably to wait for her, but had left around 7. Olivia thanked Munch and left as well. There was no need to tell the older man where she was going. He knew. And Elliot knew she would be coming too.

After knocking on his door twice, she decided to use her key. He'd given it to her about a month after moving into his new place, for emergencies. This counted as an emergency. She heard sounds coming from Elliot's bedroom, and for a brief moment she wondered if he'd decided to take someone home to blow off steam with. But unless he'd already been dating someone, and she knew he hadn't, he wouldn't have had time to pick someone up. Would he?

Olivia slowly walked over to the bedroom door, that was slightly ajar, and pushed it open. Elliot was doing push-ups and from the looks of it, he'd been going at it for quite a while. Sweat was dripping from his face and his bare back was covered in a sheen of sweat as well. Olivia took a deep breath, willing herself not to be affected by Elliot's impressive physique. She had some bottled up emotions of her own, but this was hardly the time to let those out. She had come to talk to Elliot and to see if he was alright.

Elliot finally noticed her standing in the doorway and jumped up. He looked at her, breathing heavily, and she could see in his eyes that the storm that had been raging inside him, hadn't calmed down yet.

"We got there just in time. Rickett didn't rape her," she said, hoping that the fact that he had saved Rickett's last victim from any further trauma would help him. "CSU found two types of blood in the basement. One is recent, and the other is likely years old."

Elliot was still staring at her and she made an effort to maintain eye contact with him, and not let her eyes drop to his heaving chest, where sweat was now tricking from his pecs down his abdomen until they were absorbed by his sweatpants, that hung low on his hips.

"Did you think I froze? Is that why you fired first?" Elliot asked her, his voice raspy and tense.

"I fired first because you would've killed him," she replied truthfully.

"He deserves to die."

His eyes were full of pain and unrest, and Olivia wondered if Rickett's words from the interrogation still haunted him. That without all the people and responsibilities keeping him in check, he'd be just like Rickett. Elliot had grabbed a towel off the bed and wiped his body down haphazardly, still looking at her.

"Maybe he does. But he wanted you to kill him." she said. "He wanted you to always remember that you took his life, not 'cause you had to, but because you were angry."

"I'm still angry."

"I can see that. You can't keep bottling it up El, you gotta ..."

"Then what Liv?!" Elliot yelled suddenly, interrupting her. "What's the alternative, huh? If I don't keep it all inside ..."

He stopped to take a breath, and looked away from her but she could see him trembling, and it wasn't just from his earlier exercise. He shook his head and wiped his face and neck with his towel, but his movements were uncontrolled.

"I'm afraid I'm losing it Liv," he admitted and she stepped closer to him to force him to look at her.

Elliot took a step back as if her proximity startled him.

"El," she said softly, but she could feel some of his tension transfer to her own body.

When their eyes met again, the intensity of his gaze pulled her in, and she stepped closer to him again. She was so close now, that Elliot had to look down to maintain eye contact. He didn't. He closed his eyes in stead. His breathing was shallow and hot puffs of air hit her forehead.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself," she said, willing herself to speak gently despite the whirlwind of emotions hanging between them and churning inside herself.

She was breathing in his scent and the mixture of his aftershave and sweat was intoxicating, as was his intensity. The angry tension was coming off him in waves and it felt like it was enveloping her, until she no longer knew where she ended and he began. They were both intense people, filled with pent-up anger and frustration at how the world had treated them in the past, and how it was still treating innocent children today. Their combined outrage was what had made them such a perfect team for six years but it was also what made them so damned combustible. They calmed each other and they fueled each other.

Tonight, she'd come to try and calm him, but she could feel something building between them that was the complete opposite: they were fueling each other. She tried to control her breathing but, their chests now mere inches apart, she had started to match the quick pace of his breaths, as if she was as much out of breath as he was. She saw his Adam's apple bob and lifted her eyes again. This time, he was looking down at her and when their eyes locked, she knew. It was happening. It was going to happen. Right here, right now. And Elliot knew it too.

"I don't ..." he rasped, but words failed him.

"It has to come out El, or it will destroy you from the inside out."

Her voice had barely been more than a whisper but he was hearing her loud and clear. He closed his eyes again and shook his head, as if trying to shake off what he was thinking and feeling.

"No."

"Yes," she said immediately, challenging him with one single word and his eyes flew open again.

He moved his face even closer to hers, looking straight into her eyes when he hissed,

"You don't know what you're doing."

Her heart was beating fast but she knew there was no turning back now. Maybe she hadn't thought things through. Maybe Elliot was right and she didn't know what she was doing. She sure as hell hadn't planned to goad him like this. Maybe she was done thinking and done knowing. One thing she knew right now was, that Elliot needed an outlet for his rage, and that anger wasn't the only thing he'd kept bottled up. It wasn't the only thing for her either. It had been growing in the dark corners of their minds and they had seen it in covert glances; felt it in unnecessary touches; voiced it in yelling matches that had been too loud and silent treatments that had been too silent. And it was materializing before their eyes.

Right here.

Right now.

She just needed to break his resistance. It wouldn't take much. Not tonight because he'd been teetering on the egde for two days straight with no sleep. One little push and he'd fall. And she would be there to catch him. She would always catch him.

"I can take it."

There it was. The challenge.

Elliot took a quick step forward, bumping into her and making her back hit the door, that closed on impact. His hands were against the door then, next to her head and his face was so close to hers that their noses were touching.

"You can't."

"Try me."

Her voice was low and ominous. She wasn't afraid of him and she wasn't afraid of what she was unleashing in him. He was literally straining to keep it all inside, the muscles in his arms and neck bulging from the effort, and his eyes were like a smoldering fire. It was the same fire that had ignited in her. Elliot might be closer to his breaking point, but he wasn't the only one struggling with the tension that had grown between them, ever since his wife had left him for the last time. There was no going back. Not anymore. No going back to his wife and no denying what had been brewing between the two of them - whatever it was. They weren't in love. That was for teenagers. What they shared went beyond infatuation, beyond love even. It was a need that went deeper than anything she'd ever experienced. A need to have him in her life, and it didn't even matter what he was to her. Her partner. Her friend. Her lover. Her husband. It didn't matter, as long as he was there. She was incomplete without him and she'd seen the same helplessness in him that she'd felt when she realized it. They were incomplete without each other and what was happening tonight, was always going to happen.

She wasn't afraid.

Not anymore.

It was their destiny and she knew she could take it. Because she knew he would never hurt her. He didn't have it in him to hurt her.

When Elliot spoke again, he choked out ever single word. He was near tears.

"I ... never ... _ever_ ... laid ... a hand ... on a woman ... or a ... a child."

She knew he was about to fall. He just needed to let go of his fear of becoming his father or Gordon Rickett.

"I know," she whispered. "I trust you."

"I don't know if ... if I trust myself."

He closed his eyes and one tear trickled down his cheek.

Olivia moved at last, her back still up against the door. It might seem that she was trapped, but in reality, Elliot was. And she needed to set him free. Her hands moved to his waist, and the feeling of his bare skin under her hands sent an electrical current through her body. Elliot's reaction was immediate. He dropped his forehead to hers and let out a ragged breath.

"I trust you," she repeated, while moving her hands up his sides slowly.

"Liv," he warned her but she had gone too far to stop now. Besides, she was finally touching him, her hands moving from his sides to his pecs until Elliot suddenly pushed himself off the door and grabbed her wrists, pinning them to the door next to her head in a split second. His heavy breathing told her he was close to losing it and with her hands immobilized she had only one weapon left that she could use. She looked him in the eye and took her shot.

"Fuck me."

Bulls eye.

His mouth crashed over hers and before she realized what was happening, he had released her hands and wrapped his arms around her waist. He kissed her hard, relentless, while pushing his hips into hers. She couldn't breathe but she didn't care. He needed this. He needed her to get the rage out of his system and she wanted him to use her. She wanted to be the only one he'd ever use like this because they were incomplete without each other. She needed him as much as he needed her. He was grasping at her sweater now but she still had her black jacket on. He didn't give her an inch of space though, pressing her against the door and still kissing her deeply. She barely had a chance to join in and return his kisses. When he finally broke off the kiss, her lips were tingling and she gasped for air. Elliot grabbed her jacket with both hands and yanked it down her arms until it came off. Her orange sweater was next and she raised her arms so he could pull it up and off of her.

As soon as her sweater was off, his mouth was on hers again while his hands roamed her body. They didn't speak. They didn't have to. They had perfected their unspoken understanding by now and even though it was the first time they were together like this, they knew each other's bodies. Elliot was rough but she could take it. She knew he would be like this and in the few moments she'd had to think about it, she had decided it was what she wanted. For him. He would be rough and she would be bruised tomorrow, but still, he wouldn't hurt her because she didn't consider this hurting. _He_ was hurting and she wanted him to let it all out. To finally find some peace. And the selfish part of her just wanted him, in any way she could have him.

Her shoulders were burning because they were pressed against the door so hard but Olivia ignored it. Her hands were roaming his back and she moved them down until they could slip inside his sweatpants. She moaned into his mouth, that was still devouring hers, when she felt his perfect ass under her hands. He wasn't wearing any underwear. Elliot groaned as well and finally created some room between them so he could cup her breasts through her bra. Olivia arched her back, needing to feel more of him, and pulled his hips into hers. He was rock hard and his erection pressed into her core so hard that it was painful. But she could take it. She could take all of it because this was Elliot.

She gasped when he yanked her bra straps down, exposing her breasts, and whimpered when he lowered his head to take one of them in his mouth. She cried out when he bit down before sucking hard. Pain and arousal battled for dominance and in the end, her devotion to Elliot won out. She could take it if this was what he needed. His hand was on her other breast and he was kneading it. Olivia kept pushing her hips into his, needing to feel him, more of him, down there.

Suddenly Elliot pulled her away from the door, turned them both around and threw her on his bed. Her legs were dangling off the foot of the bed. Elliot grabbed her belt but his hands were shaking and he couldn't get it undone. Olivia put her hands over his to still them, and he placed his hands on the bed on either side of her hips. He was breathing hard. He didn't make eye contact with her, he just watched her hands while she undid her pants and started sliding them down her hips. Her stomach clenched, knowing she was seconds away from revealing herself to him completely. Elliot moved again, grabbing her pants and panties and pulling them down her legs until she could kick them off along with her boots.

He was on her again then, pushing her legs apart and moving between them, and dropping his full weight on her. He propped himself up on his elbows, giving her just enough room to breathe, before his mouth was on hers once more. Her breasts were scraping his chest and she could feel his harness pressing against her through his sweatpants. He couldn't be comfortable, laying half on, half off the bed, but he was frantic and in stead of moving them both onto the bed properly, he pushed himself up again until he was standing between her knees, looking down at her body. Her bra was still on but pulled down. Otherwise, she was completely naked and exposed. Opened up to him, body and soul.

Elliot dropped his sweatpants and Olivia bit her lip when she saw him. All of him. She wanted him. She wanted him inside her. He finally looked at her and kept staring into her eyes when he grabbed her legs, pulling her up to the right height, and then thrust forward fast and hard. Olivia cried out and closed her eyes. She knew he'd be rough but she hadn't been prepared for this. She reached behind her, trying to grab the headboard of the bed, but it was too far away. Her ass was hovering over the foot of the bed and Elliot was inside her. He pulled back and thrust again, only slightly less roughly than the first time, but her body was starting to adjust. He had an iron grip on her legs and when he moved again, he didn't stop. Olivia could do nothing but take it.

There was nothing romantic about what they were doing. He was fucking her like she'd told him to and he needed this. He needed to get the rage out of his system and all the frustration that had built up over the years while his marriage crumbled and their partnership warped into something that no two work partners should be to each other. He was panting while he moved inside her, faster and faster, and Olivia's arms flailed to find something to hold on to. She dug her fingers into the comforter and squeezed her eyes shut. She opened them again when Elliot dropped one of her legs and moved his hand to her abdomen and then down to the most sensitive part of her entire body. His thumb found her clit and he rubbed it roughly. The feeling of him moving deep inside her and his thumb on her clit was nothing like she'd ever felt before. She had thought she wasn't ready and had already accepted that this would all be for Elliot, but sensations were shooting through the lower half of her body now that made her gasp and moan along with Elliot. She could already feel it starting. The heat, the fire, the inevitable.

Olivia fixed her gaze on Elliot's face. He was getting close too and sweat was dripping from his face again while he continued to pound into her. He dropped her other leg too and leaned forward so he wouldn't slip out of her, pushing her up the bed with each thrust as he kept going. He was leaning on his elbows now and the friction between their bodies had replaced his thumb in the best way. Olivia hooked her legs around him, pressing her heels into his ass and spreading herself wider for him in the process. A surge of pleasure tore through her body, pushing his name from her lips.

"El!"

Elliot groaned and she could feel him getting even larger inside her. Knowing she was doing this to him made her fall over the egde and she cried out when her orgasm hit her. Elliot wasn't far behind and grunted a few times. Then, his body shook and she knew he was coming. He pushed into her a few more times, cursing under his breath and Olivia wrapped her arms around him as best she could while he emptied himself deep inside her. Elliot dropped his head to her chest and stilled, still intimately connected with her. They were both completely out of breath and Olivia felt dizzy. She closed her eyes and just enjoyed having him here like this, lying on top of her completely sated, feeling his warm breath on her exposed breast. She caressed his head and his shoulder while they just lay together in silence for minutes, catching their breaths.

After a while, Elliot pushed himself up and off of her. Olivia closed her legs and pulled them up on the bed. She rolled on her side to look at her partner. He was lying on his back, his face covered with his hands.

"Are you alright?" she asked him softly.

Elliot let out a shaky sigh.

"No."

Olivia propped herself up on one elbow and pulled one of his hands away from his face to make him look at her. She saw tears in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" she asked him softly.

Elliot reached up and touched her cheek with the back of his fingers.

"Liv, I ... I feel like I ... raped you."

...

 **Dun dun!**

 **Well, we know better because we know what Olivia was thinking, but can we blame Elliot for feeling bad about what he did and how he did it?**  
 **Did Olivia just make matters worse? Next chapter will be the last one. Please leave a review if you can spare a moment. Thanks!**


	2. Chapter 2

_After a while, Elliot pushed himself up and off of her. Olivia closed her legs and pulled them up on the bed. She rolled on her side to look at her partner. He was lying on his back, his face covered with his hands._

 _"Are you alright?" she asked him softly._

 _Elliot let out a shaky sigh._

 _"No."_

 _Olivia propped herself up on one elbow and pulled one of his hands away from his face to make him look at her. She saw tears in his eyes._

 _"What's wrong?" she asked him softly._

 _Elliot reached up and touched her cheek with the back of his fingers._

 _"Liv, I ... I feel like I ... raped you."_

...

He could barely look at her. He felt so ashamed. He felt like part of him had just died. He knew she had initiated it, but he'd been serious when he said she couldn't take it. He had been out of control and he was ashamed of himself. He had hurt her. She hadn't complained but he knew. He had never been so rough with a woman before. Ever. His rage had gotten the better of him and he felt no better than his father right now, or even Gordon Rickett. Was this what it felt like to lose control and just give in to one's basest urge, no matter who got hurt in the process? And if so, why did it have to be with Olivia? Why his partner, who had become so, so much more than a partner to him?

The look in her eyes was soft and understanding, and he didn't understand it. He didn't deserve it. He'd behaved like an animal and she shouldn't understand that. She should condemn it, like he was condemning himself. But her words were calm and strong when she finally spoke.

"That's insane Elliot. Don't even think that. I _told_ you to do it. I wanted this as much as you needed it. I consented."

He had to admit that the ball of fire that had been burning inside him, wasn't as dominant as it had been before, and his mind was clearer. But he'd unleashed his rage in a way he never thought he would. And he didn't know how to make it right.

"Maybe so, but what I did was ... I was ... an _animal_."

He wanted to cry and he wanted to scream, but he felt so heavy. His body was spent and was finally calming down, maybe for the first time in weeks. Olivia put her hand on his chest. Her hand was soft, like the rest of her body. She was strong, one of the strongest cops he knew, but underneath all that armor she'd built around her, she was all woman. He'd noticed. He hadn't been that blinded by his rage not to see how beautiful she was. But he'd counted on her strength, like he always did, when he heeded her command to 'fuck her'. He had wanted to fuck her but he knew he had hurt her. And that was not what he'd wanted.

"You're not an animal Elliot, and you didn't hurt me," Olivia said, rubbing his chest gently.

Had she read his mind?

"I did," he maintained.

He pushed himself up until he was sitting up, and asked Olivia to lay back down and turn over on her stomach. She complied and he sat on his knees to look at her back. Her shoulder blades were bruised and he put a hand on one of them and then the other.

"You have bruises."

He leaned over and kissed her shoulder blades gently. He couldn't undo what he'd done but he couldn't leave things like this either. Next, he looked at the backs of her thighs, just above the knees. Hand prints were there, fading now but still visible. He caressed her legs and let his tears flow freely. He couldn't even think about how rough he'd been when he entered her and the possible damage that had done. Words came to mind that he'd only heard in rape kit results and he felt sick about it.

Then he undid her bra carefully and asked her to sit up. He could see uncertainty in her eyes when she sat up and turned to face him, and he slowly removed the very last garment from her body. He looked at her left breast.

"Bite marks," he whispered and he choked back a sob.

Olivia sat up on her knees as well and moved close to him, her knees between his, until she could cup his cheeks with her hands.

"Nothing happened that I didn't want to happen," she said, speaking slowly and clearly, as if she was talking to a victim that needed reassurance that they didn't do anything wrong. "And I know, for a fact, that you would have stopped if I'd told you to stop."

"I'm not so sure," he sighed, closing his eyes.

"I am," Olivia insisted. "You could never hurt me. Like you said, you've never raised a hand against a woman or a child. You don't have it in you."

He opened his eyes and blinked away his tears.

"Then what did I just do?" he whispered.

He was desperate for her answer. For her words of wisdom and understanding. they were physically naked, which they had never been before together, but it wasn't about his physical state right now. He was baring his soul to her and he needed her absolution. He needed her to make sense of what he had done, because he sure as hell couldn't make sense of it himself. He felt like he'd violated his best friend.

Yet she was still here, and she was trying to convince him that he hadn't done anything he shouldn't have. But what could she possibly say to him that would make this alright? That would make it okay to just use her like an object for his own release?

Her hands were still on his cheeks and her thumbs were caressing him. There was no judgment in her eyes. No pain, except maybe for him. No anger and no reproach. Just ... love?

"You used me to release some of what you've kept bottled up for years ..."

"I _used_ you," he interrupted her, the words hurting him physically, but Olivia wasn't done.

"Ssshh," she whispered, putting a finger over his lips.

He was at her mercy. He had nothing left. No dignity. No pride. And he felt like he had nothing left to offer her. But he needed her. More than he'd ever needed anyone.

"Now listen to me, okay El?"

He nodded. He was at her mercy.

"You used me because I told you to. I _wanted_ you to because I knew you needed it."

Elliot took a breath to say something but her finger was on his lips again and she shook her head, a small smile on her lips. How could she still smile at him after what he'd done?

"I knew, Elliot, that it was either this, or you were going to do something so destructive that you'd never recover from it."

He wasn't so sure if he would recover from what had happened now. If _they_ would recover from it.

"Besides. It wasn't all just for you, you know."

He looked into her big brown eyes and saw nothing but honestly in them. She was baring herself to him as well.

"This thing between us has been simmering for too long. It was only adding to our frustrations."

Our frustrations. _Our_? She was including herself in this now?

"Tell me honestly El, and think about it before you answer me. Could you have done this with _anyone_ else? Would you have let go like this if I'd been some stranger you'd just picked up in a bar? Or someone you'd been dating for a while? Or even if I'd been Kathy?"

Elliot closed his eyes and put his hands over hers on his cheeks. He held them and turned his head to kiss the insides of her hands. She was saving him. She was breathing life back into him because he knew what she was asking and why. And he knew the answer to her question.

"No."

He opened his eyes when he felt her move, and saw her face closer to his than before. She moved her hands from his cheeks to his neck and wrapped her fingers around his neck, and he dropped his hands to her thighs.

"Why not?" Olivia asked.

He couldn't find the words but he felt one corner of his mouth tug up, just a little bit.

"Right," Olivia whispered, reading the answer on his face. "So the only reason you let go was, because you knew you could."

He nodded, feeling the tension and the guilt starting to roll off his shoulders.

"You weren't out of control," Olivia stated.

He frowned, trying to digest what was happening to him and what was happening between them. It had sure felt like he was out of control.

"The only reason you let go was because you knew you were safe with me. That you could be yourself with me, no matter how ugly it might get."

He knew it was true. She was his safety net. Always had been.

"But I didn't think about that at all Liv," he said honestly. "Not at all."

She smiled and he was beginning to feel alive again.

"It's not something you need to be aware of all the time. It's just ... us."

Us.

He caressed her thighs, and finally became truly aware of her naked state. She was beautiful. His eyes dropped to her chest and then down to her toned abdomen and the juncture between her legs. He watched his own hands caress her thighs and then move to her hips. He heard Olivia's breath hitch and his eyes flicked back up to hers.

"Are you alright now?" Olivia asked him, and he could tell that she was still concerned about his state of mind, but also that his touch was affecting her.

"I ... I'm not sure," he replied honestly. "I know you're right. I would never have let go with anyone else. But you deserve better Liv. I'm so sorry."

Her hands moved down from his neck to his shoulders, and then slowly all the way down his arms until they covered his hands on her hips.

"I don't want better," she said, staring at his chest and swallowing hard before continuing. "I just want you."

Her vulnerability moved him but he was still hesitant. When she looked up to meet his eyes, he knew he needed to man up. But how?

"Liv. How do I make this right?" he asked her.

"You don't have to," she said, not averting her eyes. "It wasn't wrong."

"But I wasn't myself," he protested.

"You were," she countered. "That's the whole point. You were yourself and you can be yourself. With me."

She took hold of his hands, that were still resting on her hips, and began moving them up. He watched their hands, frozen, until she moved them over her breasts. His bite mark was taunting him and he swallowed hard again. Her trust in him had not diminished. She still wanted him. And he wanted her. God, he wanted her, but not like he'd taken her earlier. She was worth so much more to him. The trust between them was what had made it safe to let go of his controls, but he never wanted to hurt her. Never again.

His hands were on her soft, full breasts but he was afraid to move them.

"Don't be afraid," Olivia said softly.

Her voice was trembling and he couldn't help wondering if she _was_ afraid.

"I'm not afraid of you," she added.

Was she reading his mind again?

"I'll never be afraid of you."

She sat up on her knees and he automatically did the same, quickly moving his hands to her back while her arms wrapped around his shoulders. Their upper bodies were pressed against each other and their faces were close. He desperately wanted to kiss her but not like he'd done earlier. He didn't want to crush her and he didn't want to fuck her. He wanted to love her.

"Liv, I ..." he whispered but words failed him again.

Olivia smiled and he couldn't help staring at her full lips, that were still slightly bruised from his earlier onslaught on her body. His heart was pounding against his rib cage and he was sure she could feel it. He'd been in a haze earlier but he was completely clearheaded now and very much aware of what was happening between them. He couldn't believe how their very first time had gotten away from him like that, but he was going to make it up to her, right now, if she'd let him.

She was trembling. She was feeling it too. It was as if they were starting over. She looked up at him and he tilted his head, moving his lips close to hers. Her breath hitched again and when he closed the distance between them, her eyes fluttered closed. He kissed her as softly as he could and Olivia whimpered. It was the complete opposite of the first time he'd crashed his mouth over hers and somehow, the moment was a thousand times more intense. And then she was kissing him back, nipping at his lower lip before pressing her lips to his and nudging his lips apart.

He moaned when her tongue found his and he pulled her closer to him, overcome with a need to feel her, all of her, and he never wanted to let her go. His body responded strongly to hers and he groaned when Olivia pushed her hips into his, trapping his growing erection between their bodies. He broke off the kiss to look into her eyes and she smiled at him.

"Don't be too gentle El," she said, moving one hand down to cup his ass and squeeze it.

"I want to love you they way you deserve to be loved," he whispered.

He was in awe of her trust in him and he never wanted to do anything to betray that trust.

"Just be yourself," she told him, moving her lips to his jaw to kiss him there.

"You too Liv."

She kissed his jaw again and made a trail of small kisses down his neck and collarbone.

"Don't worry. I will," she said and he heard a seductive tone in her voice for the first time tonight. And it was the first time ever that it was directed at him.

Elliot dropped his head and kissed her neck and shoulder while moving his hands down her back to her perfect ass. He wanted to take his time to explore her body and give her the attention she so deserved. He could hardly believe she still wanted to be with him but he wasn't going to turn her away because he felt guilty.

He needed her and he wasn't going to pretend otherwise. He was nothing without her.

He wrapped an arm around her waist and nudged her until she moved with him to lay down on the bed. She tried to pull him on top of her but he resisted.

"Slow," he whispered just before kissing her softly again.

She was on her back and he was next to her on his left side, leaning his left elbow while his right hand explored her luscious, soft body. She was amazing. He leaned forward to kiss her left breast softly, licking the bite mark he'd made and then blowing on the moist skin to cool it. Her nipple hardened and he saw goosebumps break out all over her skin.

"El," she moaned and it was the most beautiful sound in the world.

He kissed her nipple and then licked and sucked it gently, making sure he didn't hurt her. Olivia shivered and writhed a little and tried to pull him closer again. But he wasn't going to jump her. Not this time. He moved his hand and mouth to her right breast and discovered the beginnings of shallow bruises on it. He closed his eyes, feeling the guilt wash over him again.

"El, please," Olivia sighed, pushing her breast up to meet his mouth, that was hovering over it.

"Doesn't it hurt?" he asked her before kissing the tender skin softly.

"No."

"Sure?"

"Yeah. Besides, I ..."

She suddenly stopped talking and he looked up to look at her face.

"What Liv. Just tell me."

He had no idea what she was going to say but he was immediately worried. She bit her lip and seemed ... embarrassed?

"Liv?"

"Well, I ehm ... I'm not exactly against a little rough play."

Seriously? _Seriously_?

He felt another portion of guilt leave his body and he moved up so he could kiss her on the lips again.

"You could have told me that a little sooner," he mumbled and he couldn't suppress a grin when she chuckled.

"I wasn't sure how you'd react. And you needed to calm down first."

He dropped his forehead to her shoulder. Olivia rolled on her right side and wrapped her left arm around his waist, pulling him close to her.

"How long are you gonna continue teasing me?" she asked him while pushing her hips into his again.

He kissed her softly again and then said very seriously,

"This isn't teasing Liv. I want to treat you with all the love and respect you deserve."

He saw tears in her eyes then just before she closed them.

"What Liv?" he asked her, holding her close to him.

"You sure talk about love a lot, El."

Her voice was a little shaky and he knew that they had reached an important point in this emotional rollercoaster ride they were on. If ever there was a time te step up to the plate, it was now. He kissed her forehead and then moved back a little so he could look at her.

"Liv. Look at me please," he said when he saw that her eyes were still closed.

When she opened them, he saw a deep brown pool of emotions in them. She almost seemed afraid of what he was going to say next.

"Don't be afraid of this," he told her, and it was finally his turn to reassure her. "We've both known this was coming. It was inevitable. Right?"

She swallowed hard and then nodded.

"I love you, Olivia Benson. And I don't care anymore what people will think. There's no going back after tonight and I don't want to go back."

"Me neither."

She'd whispered the words but it was enough for him.

"You saved me, Liv, and you were right. We need to stop denying what's growing between us and just let it out before it destroys us from the inside out."

Olivia hid her face in the crook of his neck and he swallowed hard, knowing that this conversation would need to be continued some time. But not now. Not now. They weren't going to talk about being partners on the job or about his kids or anything except them. Naked. In his bed. And about love.

He nudged her gently and she rolled back on her back. He leaned over her and kissed away the tears that had gathered in the corners of her eyes.

"I love you," he whispered once more, before he continued his journey down her body.

He made a trail of small kisses from her neck all the way down to her belly and the lower he got, the more her breathing picked up. When he finally reached the small patch of black hair, neatly trimmed and shaven in a triangle, she let out a gasp. Her legs fell open slightly and he moved his mouth even lower.

"Oh baby," he growled when he kissed her tender skin and Olivia's low moan shot straight to his groin.

He pushed his tongue between her lower lips and moaned with her when he tasted her for the first time. He tasted her but himself as well, and a small pang of guilt hit him again. This was what their first time should have been like.

"Don't stop," Olivia sighed and he reminded himself once more that Olivia didn't blame him.

That first explosion had been necessary to make room for this. To enable him to focus again, and his focus was completely on her now. It was all for her.

...

Olivia couldn't believe what Elliot was doing to her body. It was such a complete one-eighty from earlier that night. She knew he had it in him to be tender and loving, but to hear him tell her that he loved her and then to experience these tender touches was almost overwhelming. She felt his tongue moving in the most intimate places of her body and she could hardly contain herself. She was going to come from just this, she was sure of it.

He loved her.

She'd known it in a way, but hearing it was so different from sensing it. And having him go down on her, seeing him completely focused on her and so in control of himself was unbelievable.

It had been all for him the first time but he'd turned the tables now, making it all about her. She hadn't lied when she told him she was into rough play but she could definitely get used to this too. Elliot really was the full package and this was just the first night of many. She knew they would need to talk about their partnership, but not tonight. Not now. Because right now, he was well on his way to give her the most incredible orgasm she'd ever had, using nothing but his tongue. He wasn't even inside her and his hands were planted firmly on the mattress. If he could do this to her with just his tongue. imagine what he could do with ...

"Oooh!" she cried out, unable to finish her own thought.

She bucked up to meet Elliot's hungry mouth. She was going to blow.

"Go baby," Elliot mumbled against her body and when he sucked on her clit once more, she could feel it starting.

"Oh yes," she hissed, bucking up again. "Ohyesohyesohyesohyes!"

Elliot didn't stop. All he did was place one hand flat on her stomach to hold her in place while he pushed his tongue inside her once, twice, and she was done. She cried out when she reached her climax, grabbing the headboard behind her for support as the waves of her orgasm tore through her body. In. Credible.

As soon as she dropped her arms and her body went limp, Elliot was next to her, kissing her softly on the lips. She moaned, tasting herself on him and closed her eyes, basking in the afterglow of her climax while Elliot wrapped her up in his arms. He kissed her deeply and then just held her, whispering words of love to her and asking her again and again to forgive him.

She still felt like there was nothing to forgive because she believed that Elliot had only let out his pent-up frustrations because he knew he was safe with her. But if this was the way he planned to make it up to her, she was in. These were the two sides of Elliot that she had always seen and that she had grown to love. He was intense in his anger and intense in his love. It made him a complete man in her eyes and she loved each side of him equally. She should tell him. She should tell him she loved him, but those weren't words that came easily for Olivia Benson. For now, she was content to be in his arms. He was caressing her back and kissed her cheek, mumbling that he loved her once more. It seemed easy for him to say it. He made it seem so easy to say it back ...

...

 **Okay, I had thought this would all fit into one chapter, but it's getting a bit long now, so I'm making it a three-shot.  
** **How about this chapter? Did it make sense?  
** **Next up, a finale that will hopefully ease Elliot's mind completely about being rough with his lady. Stay tuned ... Leave a review?** **  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**The final chapter of this two-shot that turned into a three-shot. Enjoy!**

...

"Are you cold?" he asked her.

"Not yet," Olivia replied with a smile and Elliot smiled as well.

He felt better now. Much better. He wished they could stay in this little world of theirs for a while longer. They were off duty now and had gotten the next day off because of his all-nighter the night before. He wanted to make love to Olivia all night long, to try and erase his earlier outburst. It would take time for him to start forgiving himself, and as long as the evidence of his behavior was still visible on Olivia's body, he knew he wouldn't be able to.

He loved her and he'd finally told her. Tonight was the night he was starting to heal from all the hurt and unfairness in his life. He knew Olivia understood, because her life hadn't been that different from his. That was why he felt so safe with her and that was why she had understood his need to let his anger out. He wondered when she would reach that point herself, if ever. Maybe she wouldn't, now that they were finally giving in to this _thing_ between them, as she'd called it.

Olivia was stirring and he focused his attention on her again.

"You wanna get some sleep?" he asked her softly.

"Hmmm," she hummed and he took that as a yes.

He sat up to turn down the comforter and nudged her to do the same. She let herself roll off the bed and then jumped to her feet. He looked at the stunning naked woman by his bedside and could hardly believe they were here, like this, at last. He crawled under the covers and patted the empty space next to him, looking up at her expectantly. But Olivia seemed to have other plans. She walked around the bed to his side and pulled the covers away from his body. She looked at him then, and he could almost feel her eyes on him as she took him in slowly, from head to feet. His manhood twitched under her gaze and he saw her smile when she saw it. Before he could ask her what she was doing, she jumped on top of him, straddling his thighs, saying with a wide grin,

"My turn."

He opened his mouth but he had no words. Her turn? Before he could ask what she was up to, she smoothed her perfect body over his and kissed him deeply. When she broke off the kiss, he looked up at her and marveled at the fire in her eyes. He swallowed hard. He suddenly felt like she was a hunter and he was her prey.

"I want you to remember this night ..." Olivia said huskily while she moved down his body, kissing his pecs.

"As the night ..."

He held his breath when she sucked gently on his nipples, one by one.

"That your most secret fantasies ..."

Her hands stayed on his nipples while she scooted further down his body, placing hot, open-mouthed kisses down his abdomen.

"That you thought would never become real ..."

His body jolted when she moved one hand down and wrapped it around his cock.

"Came true."

"Liv," he croaked but he couldn't get anything else out because she wrapped her full lips around his now rock-hard member and swiped her tongue around his tip.

He had thought this night would haunt him for the rest of his life because it was the night he'd violated his best friend. But seeing Olivia like this, like a true temptress taking charge, made him believe that the memory might actually turn out to be different after all. Her eyes were sparkling and Elliot held his breath, wondering what she would do next. He'd already given her his heart and soul but she was clearly after his body now. And it was hers. Wholly and completely.

"I'm yours," he whispered and Olivia crawled over him to look deep into his eyes.

"I know," she said. "You've been mine from the moment I stepped into your bedroom."

He couldn't argue with that. He'd been hers probably even before that, but from the moment she'd come in to see if he was alright, she'd held him in the palm of her hand. She had forced him to face himself, including the ugly parts of himself that he'd kept hidden for so long, and she had given him her body willingly to show him who he was and that he couldn't go on without her. Without having her, as completely as she already had him, to be completely himself with.

He couldn't believe what Olivia was doing. She was in charge. She had draped herself over him again and had just bitten his left earlobe so hard that he was sure he was bleeding. He'd squeezed her ass hard. It had been a reflex, but she seemed to like it a lot. She was marking his neck too, arousing his body using pain and pleasure in a way that was completely new for him, but tantalizing. When she kissed him, she bit down lightly on his lower lip and he groaned. His manhood was twitching and he felt like his body was waiting to see where she'd strike next. When she found his right ear, he scraped her shoulder with his teeth. Olivia moaned loudly and sucked the skin of his neck in her mouth.

"Liv," Elliot panted, not knowing what else to say.

"Don't fight it," she whispered in his ear.

And he didn't. He surrendered to her and to the feelings she was bringing out in him. He wanted her again. He wanted to fuck her hard and he wanted to make love to her slowly. He didn't know how to combine those two desires and he didn't have to. All he had to do was follow Olivia's lead. When he tried to turn them around so he'd be on top, Olivia grinned and then rolled them over again. Before he could object, she was straddling his abdomen and kissing him deeply. His hands went to her breasts automatically. Olivia moaned in his mouth when he squeezed them and he wondered briefly if he'd hurt her, but she broke off the kiss, arching her back and he knew she wanted more. When he squeezed again, she scooted down and moved her glistening folds over his erection.

Elliot groaned again. He wasn't inside her yet but he wanted to be, desperately. She was moving up and down the length of him while staring into his eyes. Her hands moved across his chest until her fingers found his nipples. He saw a devilish smile appear on her face and then she sank down around his erect member while simultaneously pinching both his nipples, hard.

"Fuck!" Elliot yelled, not knowing what to focus on, the pleasure or the pain, and feeling something resembling an electrical shock shoot through his entire body.

When Olivia started to move he thought he could focus on the sensational feeling of being inside her but when she scraped her fingernails down his chest he bit his lip. It felt so good. So intense. Was this what she had experienced earlier? He'd been so rough with her but she _had_ climaxed. His entire body was on high alert and he bucked up to meet Olivia's movements. He grabbed her hips and when she slammed down harder on him, he squeezed harder.

Olivia hummed, closing her eyes while speeding up a little. Elliot stared up at her and was overcome by a need to drive deeper into her, to make her feel the depth of his love for her. He wrapped his arms around her and turned them over again, and this time, Olivia didn't stop him. She spread herself wider for him and dug her fingernails in his ass. The sting of pain spurred him on and he thrust into her hard.

"Yeah, ooooowww," Olivia moaned and he just had to kiss her.

He leaned on his elbows to keep his weight off her and kissed her while continuing to thrust into her. Olivia kissed him back hungrily and scraped her fingernails up and down his back. Elliot had to break off the kiss to take a breath because the things she was making him feel were taking his breath away, quite literally.

"Oh baby," he croaked.

They sped up and he couldn't believe how they could be so raw and so loving at the same time. Maybe they would always be like this. Uncontrolled within the safety zone they had created together. They were already heading for their climax and Olivia pulled him down until he was almost crushing her, but she wanted him like this. Elliot hid his face in the crook of her neck and grunted with each deep thrust. Olivia had wrapped her legs around him and was making high-pitched sounds that were growing louder and louder. When he felt her body start to contract around him, she bit down on his shoulder, muffling her low groans of ecstasy while her orgasm ripped through her body.

It triggered his own release and he cried out her name when his body started to convulse, releasing its load deep inside her. Olivia's nails were scraping his back again and she bucked up to meet his final, erratic thrusts while whispering his name over and over again.

When he finally pushed himself up to look at her, he saw blood on her lips. She answered the unspoken question in his eyes, nodding at his shoulder.

"I drew blood. Hope you don't mind."

He didn't mind. Not at all and he kissed her softly, licking his own blood off of her lips.

"You're a bit of an animal yourself, aren't you?" he mumbled against her lips.

"Sorry," she whispered, but he knew she didn't mean it. She wasn't sorry at all, just like he didn't need to be sorry for what he'd done earlier.

...

Elliot looked into her eyes and smiled, and Olivia could tell that the last remnants of guilt were leaving him. They both carried bite marks now and she would wear hers with pride. It was proof of how they could truly be themselves with each other. It was none of anyone's business how they behaved in the bedroom. They weren't average people and they didn't have an average job, and sometimes they needed to blow off steam in a way that might not be considered average. She didn't care. It was who they were. Who they were going to be from now on, together.

They would still be intense people, easily angered and unstoppable when fighting for justice for others, but together, like this, they would no longer be on a path towards self-destruction. Because they had an outlet. A place where they would be completely safe, and where nothing would break if they let it all out. A place where letting it all out became a good thing, bringing them even closer to each other. A place where disagreements were settled and common ground was found. A place where they could leave behind the grime of the world and just be them. Like this. Just like this. Intimately connected in ways that no one would ever understand. It was fine with her. And she could see in Elliot's eyes that it was fine with him as well. He would be alright now. They were going to be alright.

He leaned in to kiss her softly and she nicked his lip with her teeth before kissing him back.

"I love you, Olivia Benson," Elliot said and tears welled up in her eyes.

He made it seem so easy. And it was. It finally was easy for her as well. And so she answered him softly,

"I love you, Elliot Stabler."

...

 **END**

...

 **I know the possibilities for additional chapters are endless here, but I've said what I wanted to say with this little story. I'm sure you can all imagine how this continues. I hope you enjoyed it! I will now go back to my other two stories, Take Your Time and All I Need To Know, that still need to be completed. Thank you for reading. Reviews are always appreciated.**


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